Indie Gamedev Is Depressing

First I’d like to mention that I’m actually a really really positive person.  I’m pretty much always happy and I love my life and wouldn’t change anything…… however……. indie game dev is depressing.

 

 

Well, it’s not that game development is depressing.  It’s the lack of development that’s depressing.  I feel a swelling darkness if don’t spend any time on any of our game projects!  It’s a constant battle to allocate time to my family, my other job(s) and my indie dev work. Depressing.

Now I think about it, I feel the same way when I don’t get to spend time with my family too.  Perhaps I just have issues!  I know I resent sleep.  I feel it’s such a waste of time but it’s so essential to get enough in order to at my peak. Depressing.

Our whole team works around ‘day jobs’ and family life.  The nature of a small team leaves us very susceptible to interruption from every-day events.  A sick baby can halt a planned development session and delay progress by a week. There is only so much time available.. A 1 week job turns into a month.  Depressing.

Then there’s motivation.  Sometimes it comes easily and hours move like minutes.  Other times the anti-motivation gremlins are sucking at my face  preventing me from generating any clear thoughts. The most frustrating times come when motivation and inspiration are peaking and there’s no way to get anything done. I usually resort to doodling the ideas and try to re-capture the magic at a later stage. Doesn’t work all the time tho. Depressing.

I also try to read a lot of articles about game/indie development. Essential stuff and very motivating….. but overall  it’s depressing when I think about the things I should be doing and I’m not.  I know I’m not stupid but I feel like a frikkin moron sometimes.

So, why bother?  Why not just stop?  Take up golf?  Start a herb garden?  Sleep more?  Well, fuck that.  Really.  I couldn’t imagine myself doing anything else.  I have an unknown force driving my desire to make games.  I remember having it forever.  To take a guess I’d say it was ignited by Lego as a kid.  I spent inordinate amounts of time with piles of lego blocks. Gamedev is also extremely rewarding. Creating something gives you an amazing feeling. It’s just getting there sucks sometimes.

 

 

What a depressing post, sorry about that.  I think I could write for days about this stuff.  I’ll stop here and mention some things I’ve been trying that have helped in a few places.  This is not a comprehensive list. It’s simply all I can think of at the moment.

Recently I’ve been really pushing myself to break down tasks into bite size pieces.  It can feel like ridiculous overkill at times but I’ve found it’s a great way to combat procrastination. If I cherry pick some small tasks when I don’t feel like working I usually end up getting a head of steam and powering onto the bigger picture.

Talk to people. People are great!  This is the hardest thing for me.  I’m pretty introverted and shy, especially in-person.  I like most people but I just don’t generally have anything in common. I really have to force myself sometimes but It’s worth it.  Sharing stories with people in the same situations can be like a fog lifting.  It’s relieving to know there are people who think like me and are having the same sorts of problems.

My new thing is what you’re reading now. Writing down some thoughts seems to feel good, who knows if it works. I think perhaps there is no magic bullet, it’s about toughening up and getting things done. Using whatever tools you find to help along the journey.

And now I’m struggling to actually post this…… Nothing is ever perfect. Get over it Ryan.

-Ryan

 

 

p.s.

Missile Control is progressing well enough to be confident of an actual beta test release soon. It just needs a bit more of a focused intro and I need to create a post-test survey for people to fill out. Sign up! www.blunt-instrument.com/beta

I’ll be sure to post more details soon.  I just need another 5-10 hours per day and all will be good. 😀